Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Nun Kisses Taxi Driver
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single…
#2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make anyone blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned.. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single…
#2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make anyone blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned.. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
UPS: This is REALLY worth reading....
UPS Air Cargo
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. .
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, February 26, 2007
James Bond and Panties
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractivewoman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for amoment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. Iwas just testing it.
"The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses special waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I amwearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Key Lime Pie Recipe
This is SO easy and SO good. This is my favorite Key Lime Pie Recipe.
KEY LIME PIE:
Ingredients:
4 eggs
1 can sweetened condensed milk
½ cup lime juice
(key limes if possible)
6 tbls. of sugar
½ teas. Cream of tartar
Preheat oven to 250 degrees, beat 4 egg yolks, add condensed milk and lime juice, beat until thick, pour into baked pie shell, for topping beat 4 egg whites, blend in sugar and cream of tartar, beat until stiff and forms peaks, bake in moderate oven until egg whites are golden brown.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
You Don't Know JACK
If you like WOOT....and who doesn't....you'll also enjoy BargainJack.com. It collects all the One Day Deals (like WOOT) and puts them together on a daily basis.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Why men have better friends
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I HATE the USPS
For the Record...I HATE the US Postal Service!!! Yesterday, I had to go to FOUR (4) post offices to find one that had the automated kiosk working! I can not stand to wait in line for the turtle-speed and rude employees to wait on me. The best thing they've done was put in the automated kiosks so you don't have to deal with them.
But whats the purpose if they don't work! At my Fourth Post Office, I actually found one that was working!
They're a monopoly! If I could fire them as my default postal service....I WOULD!
But whats the purpose if they don't work! At my Fourth Post Office, I actually found one that was working!
They're a monopoly! If I could fire them as my default postal service....I WOULD!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
No Truer message ever spoken!
"Son, you're making the same mistake in Iraq
that I made with your mother.
I didn't pull out in time..."
that I made with your mother.
I didn't pull out in time..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)